September 2007

I just got 68% on this quiz and 72% on last week’s.  I can’t wait for this class to be over and I never have to think about OSI models or application layers again.  This teacher doesn’t explain shit.  He acts like we’re supposed to know what the fuck he’s talking about except I DON’T.  At least I get to write an assignment in programming class today.  I’m gonna rip rip rip it up and that teacher is pretty cool.

I’ve had this nagging cough for the past week or so.  A few of us were outside having a cigarette after the quiz and we realised that practically everyone has it.  The one dude said that has bronchitis but that sounds a bit serious.  I don’t feel THAT sick although my lungs hurt like a bitch when I cough and I’ve been spitting phlegm.

Ah well.

PEACE

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I was laying in bed trying to sleep.  I had my eyes closed and I forget what I was thinking about.  All of a sudden I saw a red glow and then a rush went through my body.  That type of thing has happened before.  It’s called the hypnagogic state.  It occurs when you’re half asleep and half awake.  I’ve seen real images, heard things, seen designs.  It’s a fucking trip.

All you need to do is concentrate on the back of your eyelids while you’re trying to sleep.  Part of your brain will fall asleep but you’ll still be conscious and you’ll see weird shit and possibly hear some stuff as well.  If you get freaked and wake yourself up suddenly then this weird feeling will course through your body.

The body is a crazy thing.

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Really.  All they do is talk and talk and talk.  At least one of them has slides that he uploads that we can study from and a textbook to read.  The other one doesn’t give us shit and explains things so poorly.  And he always says “yous” like “yous guys understand, right?”  And that’s another thing, he always says “right?” as in “So x and y does this, right??” even though he sucks ass at explaining.  So we’re all just like, “Uhh..  Yeah..  Right.”  NO IT’S NOT RIGHT.  I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE YAMMERING ON ABOUT.  ARGH.

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Scares me.

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Remember, nothing lasts forever.

Everything you have now will be gone eventually.  Your money, your car, your home, your health, your food, your clothes.  And not only is it guaranteed to leave eventually, but it could happen a lot sooner than you think and very unexpectedly.  Understand this and it won’t be so tragic once it happens.

Think:  What you have will leave.  It was only through a series of coincidences (where you were born, your family, your intelligence, your work ethic) that you managed to get anything that you have.  You are not entitled to ANY of it.  You could have just as easily been a little African kid with no water to drink and no food to eat.  You don’t own anything.  It can be taken from you in an instant.

It’s not as depressing as it sounds.  Really.

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Lately, I can’t fall asleep until one or two in the morning, leaving only four or five hours for peaceful rest.  I am sitting in networking class being fucking exhausted.  It’s okay, though.  Only three and a half hours to go in this class then two hours of waiting for my programming class which lasts another two hours.  Kill me nao.

The good news is that my weekend starts tomorrow because I don’t have any classes on Friday.  It was funny at orientation.  We all got our schedules handed out and then moved on.  He started talking about the hardware requirements for the program and then asks if anyone has any questions.  So people start asking how much memory we’ll need, what type of operating system, etc.  And then some dude in the book raises his hand and the teacher goes, “Yes?”  And the kid says, “My schedule says that I don’t have classes on Friday.  Is this true??”  It made me lol silently because I didn’t want to look like a jerk.  Or is a silent lol a snicker?  Maybe.

Argh.  I want to sleep.

No rest for the wicked.

Fuck, I wish I hadn’t been tired today.  I just had a quiz for networking and I only got 72% on it even though I read that fucking chapter and wrote notes and the thing was open-book.  I just couldn’t think.  My brain feels like it’s clogged.  And the assholes at Cisco systems decided to use all of these terms that I’d never even heard of before and make the questions as ambiguous and confusing as possible.  Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

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I awake.  There is someone at the foot of my bed.  A dark form with indistinguishable features.  Although I can’t make out its face I can feel it staring at me.  I’m paralyzed with fear as though its empty gaze is a set of headlights and I’m a deer caught in them.  I can only stare back, hoping that it makes its exit and leaves me be.

I awake.  It was a dream.  Or a nightmare, rather.  I arise from my bed and get set for the day.  Shower, shave, brush my teeth.  The same thing everyday.  The routine eats at me every morning while I walk through it.  In the bathroom I look at myself in the mirror.  I could use a haircut.  A real one from a barber, not retrieving the clippers from under the sink and giving my head the once over.  I think I deserve it.  I spit water mixed with toothpaste into the sink and when I look up, it’s back.  Over my right shoulder.  Or is it my left?  I can’t think.  My brain has ceased producing any semblance of thought.  I’m paralyzed once again.

I awake.  Another dream (or nightmare).  This has happened before and it’s never pleasant.  False awakenings have plagued me for years now, though they’ve never been as real as this morning.  I push it from my mind as I have before and alight from my bed.  This time my morning routine goes without interruption.  No dark figure staring daggers (I’m assuming) at me.  I make it to school in good time and park in the east lot.  I check my rearview mirror as I back into the space.  It’s back.  This time it has a reddish glow, giving it an even scarier form.  It points at the back of my head.

I don’t awake.

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That the only prison is the one in your mind?

It’s true.  You don’t need physical freedom to be free.  I swear!

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Not quite what I expected but close enough.  Getting up early sucks though.  I only got about four hours of sleep last night and it’s killing me.  Argh.  I need coffee.

I downloaded this desktop blog entry thing.  It’s called Windows Live Writer and it’s pretty decent.  Although I had to go through a lot of bullshit in order to find a decent blogger application whereas in Kubuntu I found one in twenty seconds.

I started writing this at about 7:30 a.m. and now it’s 5:30 p.m.  You’d think that there would be a lot more.

Apparently my mind is an empty void.

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