I know how you feel, Tony. Sorta.

Tony:  I came here to tell you today, in all seriousness, that I’m done.  I did what you said; I gave it a lot of thought and I decided, once and for all, it’s over.  The truth is this therapy is a jerk off.  You know it and I know it.

Dr. Melfi: I actually don’t know it but please continue.

Tony:    It’s a jerk off.

Dr. Melfi:  Yes, you’ve said that.

Tony:  Anyway, I was coming here to quit; had it all planned out.  But guess what?  My son is talking suicide.  So now I’m trapped here forever.

Dr. Melfi:  My god, what did he say?

Tony:  His girlfriend - fiancee - whatever.  She broke up with him.  He’s beyond devastated.

Dr. Melfi:  Would you like me to recommend someone for him to talk to?

Tony:  Carmella’s getting a referral from his own pediatrician.

Dr. Melfi:  Oh.

Tony:  After that incompetent you sent Meadow to.

-Silence-

Tony:  So I suppose now comes the inherent fucking grilling about how I feel about all this.

Dr. Melfi: Isn’t that why you’re here?

Tony: -Sighs- You know friends of mine, they got sons his age and they’re happy, ambitious.  They fucking take life as it comes. 

Dr. Melfi: I know it seems that way but do you really know these other boys?

Tony:  I know what I see.  My son curled up on the couch in a fetus position when he should be out bangin’ co-eds. 

Dr. Melfi:  Have you talked to him?

Tony:  ‘Til I’m blue in the face.  We both have.  And now we’re afraid to talk to him because of what he might do.  Obviously I’m prone to depression.  A certain bleak attitude about the world.  But I know I can handle it.  Your kids, though.  It’s like when they’re little and they get sick.  You’d give anything in the world to trade places with them so they don’t have to suffer.  And then they think you’re the cause of it!

Dr. Melfi:  How’re you the cause of it?

Tony: It’s in his blood, this miserable fucking existence. My rotten fucking putrid genes have infected my kid’s soul!  That’s my gift to my son!

Dr. Melfi:  I know this is difficult but I’m very glad we’re having this discussion.

Tony:  Really?  Cause I gotta be honest.  I think it fucking sucks.

Dr. Melfi:  What does?

Tony:  Therapy!  This!  I hate this fucking shit!  Seriously, we’re both adults here, right?  So, after all is said and done.  After all the complaining and the crying and the fucking bullshit.  Is this all there is?

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